“This,” I wrote to someone whose name shall remain annonymous, “is so far down on my list of things to do that I will not be responding further.”
Harsh? You better believe it.
I have unsubscribed, deleted, spammed, declined, deferred and trashed anything that comes at me that does not bring me closer to my stated priorities; and my first priority right now is…moi.
Yup. You got it. It’s all about me! Is that selfish? Some might say so. However, I don’t care what anyone else is calling it, I’m naming it self-care.
I finally figured it out. It is easy to say no when I know what I’m saying yes to…and I’m saying yes to me, to my health, to my ability to carry on, and most of all, to caring for my current interior emotional wreckage. Because right now my life feels like I’m in the middle of a stopped-motion car crash.
So, just in case I sound like I might be scary to be around, please know that saying yes includes saying yes to my closest relationships. It is, in fact, my connections and conversations with so many fabulous friends that is what’s nurturing and sustaining me (and just for the record, this isn’t completely a one-way street, I am also saying yes to any of the people I love who need me the most right now, because, well, that’s just what love does).
But by being ruthless in what I say no to, I have freed up so much of my time to say yes to the creative outlet of writing (including pieces like this blog post, which feels as good for my health as taking my Vitamin D) and to big screaming affirmatives to exercise, good coffee, dark chocolate, meditation, reading, movies, time with good friends and my husband…oh, and naps. Lately, there have definitely been some fall-down-face-first naps, lovely counter-points to the random bouts of insomnia.
In short, I have become ruthless at protecting myself and knowing what I want. Now I’m wondering why it took me so long to grasp this concept. But grasp it I have, and you know what else is fabulous?
When I say no, I feel no need to explain or rationalize or justify…just no, baby.
No.
You heard me.
No.
Just say no!
NO!
I am in …. Colleen. Prioritise what’s important for you and leave aside what bugs you.
Catherine…I’m making a list and checking it twice 🙂
Nice to have your company on this journey…
I second that emotion.
Hey Dee Dee, “I second that emotion…” You should write a song:)
All together now: “No, baby, no!”
Another brilliant and touching post, Colleen. Thank you for being you.
Please keep it up–we are listening.
~ Sherryll
Bless you for saying that Sherryll. I swear I write most of this stuff so that I have to publicly commit to these inner (and now outer 🙂 convictions to myself.
But I’d be lying like a sidewalk if I said I didn’t want readers too. So Sherryll, thank you for being you too. I really appreciate knowing we’re in this together.
I’m glad you are saying no and I see no reason for guilt. For a long time, I have thought that 98% of guilt is actually inner clutter.
Taking time for yourself and getting clearer on what you value is great. I fully support you. We all have limited time on this planet. I’m all for self-care, clarity, honesty, selfishness and whatever else you want to call your current choices.
I’m here if you need anything, and if I cannot give you what you’re requesting, I’ll just say so.
Take good care,
Elinor 🙂
Elinor. I love viewing guilt as inner clutter. That’s a perfect analogy.
And I love too that if you, “…cannot give you what you’re requesting, I’ll just say so.” If we could all operate on that level, it would be so freeing. Thanks Elinor.
I love this. I was called selfish by one of my siblings this summer and I totally agree if this means no more giving in to her demands. I feel free. Free of feeling guilty about the fact I can’t fix her troubles, free of feeling guilty about not doing enough volunteer work. But you know that Mennos are good in the guilt department.
Yay Tina! Way to go. You’re right. I think one of our biggest challenges is to ditch the Mennonite hard-wiring for guilt. Let’s just say no to guilt too!
Funny how quickly people bandy about the word selfish when it means they don’t get what they want out of you…
Keep doing the guilt-free dance and don’t feel guilty about dancing either 🙂
We’re enough without having to prove anything to anyone. We’re enough just as we are.
Thank you for sharing this Colleen. Just yesterday I journaled something similar, except my motive is restoring my physical health so I can do the work I’m meant to do. It’s easy to get stretched too thin by trying to please others – and that serves no one.
It’s comforting to know I’m in good company on this one, Liz. I am getting to that ‘certain age’ where I seem to keep hearing about more and more friends and acquaintances in poor health or worse. I’m taking these stories as a wake-up call to realize the brevity of life and to resolve to take care of myself in the best way I know how.
No more excuses or thinking I can keep pushing when my body is yelling to stop. I am paying attention and listening. I’m thinking it might be time to reread When the Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Mate. If you haven’t read it, I strongly recommend it.
I commend you on taking care of yourself and hope your health improves. Take good care.